Florida copes with Irma through hilarious Facebook events

When there’s a gigantic hurricane pummeling their way, Floridians know exactly what to do: Make hilarious Facebook events.

Now that Hurricane Irma’s path is pretty clear, many of us are just sitting around playing the waiting game – which is the worst game in the history of games.

The house is prepped, the food is stashed, the laundry is done and our out-of-state friends and family are through panicking on our behalf, so now what?

I’ll tell you what. Open that agenda book, because I’ve got quite the spectacle of events for you.

First, we’ll start at the “Spinning your arms really fast to push away Hurricane Irma” event. It’s scheduled through September 13, so there’s plenty of time to participate. Oh, and people are actually doing it, which makes it that much better.

Spinning your arms really fast to push away Hurricane Irma

I mean, I’m not above it. BRB, guys. This should definitely work.

After that, maybe swing by the “Shoot at Hurricane Irma” event that takes place at 10 a.m. tomorrow.

“Let’s show Irma that we shoot first,” the event description reads. 'MURICA. 

Actually, let’s go ahead and not do that one.

Then there is the “Why don’t we just PUSH Florida somewhere else,” Facebook event that runs today and tomorrow, which seems like ample time to physically move the state.

“It's time to save Florida before the catastrophe, make sure you share so we can really gather the forces,” the event description reads.

 Yes. Let’s do it.

If that doesn’t work out, we can always try the “Goth dancing to blow Hurricane Irma away” event.

It’s happening at the Deerfield Beach Fishing Pier, because that's where goths hang out now? 

Once you’re done with that, there’s always the “Ignore the hurricane because climate change is a hoax” event or the “Peacefully protesting Hurricane Irma” event. Both of those seem like reasonable options.

If there’s still time, bust out those fidget spinners because the “Fidget spin clockwise to cancel out Irma,” event. And you thought those were just a fad.

“I have a better plan than evacuating, mom” an attendee wrote on the event’s page.

Ah yes, yes you do.

You may have a hard time choosing between “Care Bear stare at Hurricane Irma” event or the “Throw coconut oil into the Hurricane” event, but if given the choice, I’d go with the latter.

“Idk if it will work but it’s worth a shot. Worst comes to worst we can just moisturize each other,” the event description reads. 

They have a point.

If you’re a weirdo, there’s also the “Summon the Space Goat to protect us from Irma,” event.

“There will be a drum circle on the beach at midnight followed by sacrificial ceremonies. Pets and small children welcome,” the description reads.

Great! It’s fun for the whole family!

Of course, there’s the “Shame Hurricane Irma” or the “Destroy Hurricane Irma by cooling the Atlantic with ice” events to choose from as well. That last one should work, right? Anybody know if there’s a 7-Eleven open? Everybody grab a bucket and let’s go because #science.

Or we can try trickery with the “Leave debris scattered in your yard so Irma thinks she already hit you,” event. It’s like that whole pretend you’re dead if a bear attacks thing, except your neighbors will hate you afterward.

And if ALL of that fails, we can go back to basics with the “Talking reasonably to Hurricane Irma to convince her to stop this cycle” event because “We need to band together and tell Irma how her actions are damaging and have consequences,” the description reads.

Once these events have passed, of course, we have Hurricane Jose ramping up right behind Irma. Never fear. There is already a solid event for that: the “Build the wall around Jose,” event sponsored by Mexico.

“It's time to let the world know that we will only take in the best hurricanes.”

OK, now get busy everyone. We’ve got a tight schedule these next few days!

The Internet wins again. Who else is beaming with pride to be a Floridian right now? 

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Contact Columnist Jessica Saggio at JSaggio@FloridaToday.com or follow her on Twitter @JessicaJSaggio. 

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