MOMSENSE

Bad teen behavior spurred mom's passion project

'Character U,' companion book aim to teach kids how to temper feelings, actions.

Sara Paulson
FLORIDA TODAY
Gretchen Burman has self-published a book, "The Adventures of Ooga and Zeeta," designed to help kids manage their emotions and make smart decisions in life.

We've all seen it.

Teenagers, or just young adults, putting on a show of inappropriateness. And plenty of us have had the same thought: "How can I make sure my kid doesn't act like that?"

Gretchen Burman took it a step further. Nine years ago, she was expecting her first baby when she witnessed such a scene.

"They were freaking me out," Burman, 43, said. "Their behavior was … gross."

At 8 months pregnant, Burman and her husband were celebrating their final weeks of a child-free existence in Mexico. The trip ended up spurring a passion project for Burman, who was determined to equip her daughter with confidence and the character to conduct herself a whole lot better than what she'd witnessed.

"I want her to have guts and go for her dreams," Burman recalled of Payton, now 9. "Teach her to have courage, be safe, careful. What else do I need to teach her so she could lead as fulfilling a life as possible?"

As a mom of a teenager, my ears certainly perked up. I want those things for my daughter, too.

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Burman's obsession with the subject manifested itself into Character U — a life skills program born from her children's book, "The Adventures of Ooga and Zeeta," and plenty of research.  She self-published the book last year at the suggestion of a family member in education, who'd been impressed with her "12 Cs" checklist. The checklist outlines a dozen character traits Burman wanted to instill in her daughter — and has been since she was a baby.

"Even on her first birthday, I had all the 12 Cs printed out and put on her window," Burman said. "It was totally my thing. Never meant to be a business."

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The children's book, designed as a parent-child activity for students in kindergarten through fifth grade, gives kids examples of how to channel their inner voice and feelings in a positive manner.  In the book, the two main characters — the good attitude "Green Glory" and bad attitude "Red Rant" — demonstrate situations and how different reactions spur different mindsets.

The goal is to "teach children how to stop their inner critic, be self-compassionate and mentally strong by thinking and talking to themselves positively," Burman writes on her website, character-u.com. The idea is to get kids prepped to handle whatever situations life throws at them.

"It's one thing to say, 'be confident' or 'have courage,' but how do you really teach her to do it and to have it?" Burman explained.

As she continued to research, she realized she wanted more.

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"As I’m in it, I created a curriculum," Burman said. "That is how the life skills for kids workshop came to be."

She's been hosting life-skills programs, both through appearances at schools and groups, as well as now offering in-home parent-child workshops. Grant monies have allowed her to provide 200 children a copy of her book.

Burman is based in South Orange, New Jersey, but she hopes to bring the program nationwide.  While there are no plans for a Brevard visit, she said she's certainly open to it (and has a hopeful Florida speaking engagement she's trying to nail down). Testimonials tout the program on Burman's site, and she says it's been effective in her household, too.

Even though she's hundreds of miles away from the Space Coast, I thought her stance still resonated here — or actually, to any parent, anywhere.

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"Parents when they’re in a situation, they don’t know what to say," Burman said. "This gives them the language to open up the dialogue."

Her 3-year-old, Morgan, also taps into Mom's methodology.

"How cool would it be if you knew (these coping mechanisms) younger, and you could benefit from them not when you’re 38?" Burman said. "That’s my ultimate goal. Teach these kids young … help their icky be done quicker. It won’t make the icky go away, but it’ll make it be done quicker."

Paulson is FLORIDA TODAY 's Momsense columnist and the editor of Space Coast Parent, FLORIDA TODAY's free monthly parenting magazine.

Contact Paulson at 321-242-3783

or spaulson@floridatoday.com.

Twitter: @bysarapaulson

Facebook: /spacecoastparent

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